Kids Exposed! Guest Post The Dempsey Diaries

Being the mum to seven children I have pretty much been through every scenario and deeply embarrassing situation that you can go through with kids, sometimes on more than one occasion, however one area my boys didn’t really get into (thank goodness) was the constant obsession with their nether regions, but if you do have a boy who is far too interested in whats in his pants, check out the post below from the lovely Bethany over at The Demspey Diaries to find out how she’s currently dealing with the situation!!!

 

Put It Away!

Being a parent involves a fair few red faced conundrums, and there comes a time in every little boys life that their mum has to say the dreaded but equally funny phrase “put your winky away!” Now, it’s been a pretty frequent line in our house for the past week as Oscar thinks it’s quite hilarious to have his winky hanging over the band of his joggers. You have to keep a straight ‘mummy means what she’s saying’ face and explain that “its rude” whilst praying that your inner laugh isn’t showing in your eyes.

So there we were,ready for the hearing test, and it’s a very quiet room to no surprise. It has toys – multi colored wooden hoops, little peg dolls and a large screen the NHS really is fantastic isn’t it, quite lovely in fact – Now, you usually can sit in the room with Oscar but been as I had the little noise maker ,and of course with covid too, I was asked to stand behind the screen.I could still watch and see everything and I presumed he would probably be able to see me too. Presumed, being the key word here. 

I’m dealing with the screamer- I mean baby, the 5 month old, colicky, teething screaming slippery octopus baby, when the hearing test begins.The lady testing asks Oscar to put the multi colored peg dolls into the boat when he hears a noise, done, no problem! What a star, hopefully we’ll be out of here before anyone notices my seriously poor parking and refers me to the eye testing services… 

I’m pacing up and down with the baby and bouncing her in the screening room. The lady conducting the test then turned to input into her computer , and thats when i caught it! From the corner of my eye, i see him pulling his winky above his joggers,like a worm above ground! hes giggling his little head off- the lady…. Hasn’t noticed a damn thing thankfully! But here I am, behind the screen bouncing screamer HEAVILY GESTURING TO PUT THE WINKY BACK IN THE PANTS FRANTICALLY every single time the lady looks away, my mask made it very difficult to mouth to him, very difficult indeed. 

It’s like hes blind, like he doesn’t even care what i’m saying,at one point i’m certain he was trying to balance one of the wooden hoops on it! I am pointing and waving my arms at my INVISIBLE NONE EXISTANT PENIS AND PUTTING IT BACK IN MY JEAN’S.

Then in walks the receptionist , who looks completely puzzled at me. I gave her the most awkward kill-me-now smile and off she wanders into the screening.She does a little nod at me and NODS towards small persons crotch to the screening lady. Ohhhh no… Shes definitely clocked it.

It was at that point I felt obliged to do my duty as a mother. I popped my head round the door, red faced fortunately hidden by this ruddy mask, and said “Oscar, put your winky away please. ” The little shit heard that clear as day. Think the hearing test was a success.

We better work harder on the winky thing.
Praise peppa pig that we were discharged from childrens hearing services.

On the walk from the appointment, through the giant purpose built center. we had an in depth discussion about why we don’t get out winky out in public, or use it as a tool for humour – just when you thought my embarrassment could be no more? Oscar of course gave a little more, “why can’t winkys be funny mommy?”…..i got myself tongue tied, so many eyes on me as we were walking through waiting areas. I was on the spot, hot,embarassed, walking as quickly as humanly possible “WHY MOMMY, WHY AREN’T WINKYS FUNNY? SOMETIMES MOMMY, I MAKE MY WINKY DO A HELICOPTER MOMMY, MOMMY DID YOU HEAR ME.. A HELICOPTER AND THATS FUNNY MOMMY” 
I think its a conversation we’re going to have to have behind closed doors, it’s gonna be funny, and I’m gonna have to try not to laugh. Parenting is harder than i ever envisaged……….

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